Grief, Grace, Growth, and Gratitude
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1 NIV
Have you ever ripped a bandage off a wound too soon? Not only does it start bleeding again, but yanking those hairs out by the roots is a level of pain all of its own.
Maybe we need to get to the root of our pain in order to heal.
Grief
Loss is hard. This year alone, I’ve lost two beloved family members, and yet another friend from high school. Some of my dear friends are losing or have lost loved ones. It takes me back to just over a decade ago when I lost my mom and two of my cousins, all within a short span of each other.
Yeah, that wound.
The loss of our loved ones can be unspeakably hard. We grieve, and rightfully so. Grief comes with any type of loss. Maybe it's the loss of a dream that didn't quite work out the way we had hoped. Maybe it's the loss of a relationship, a job, or a health issue we weren’t expecting.
I've had some of those too.
When loss upon loss happens in a short period of time, our stress levels ramp up exponentially. It's a normal human reaction to the experience of grief and loss.
But we don't have to let stress of grieving win.
Grace
There are many things we can do to combat the stress of grief. As a Christian, the first thing I need to do when the waves of grief try to overtake me is to reach for Jesus, my life preserver.
To be still.
To know that God is in control, even, and especially, when my life feels out of control.
Our grief was never meant to be carried alone. He is our refuge and our strength. If we can allow His love and light to penetrate those walls we put up around us when we're in pain, He can help us process the grief. He can help us heal.
God's grace is more than sufficient, but in our humanity we often tend to forget to give ourselves grace. Grace to know that when the wave of grief hits, it will pass. Grace to know it's not a place we're going to stay. Grace to know that He will pull us through, if we just let Him. Grace to allow ourselves time to heal, and not rush it with some unrealistic expectation that we should be okay by now.
Grace that allows us to rest and turn away from the world's expectations to be so busy, and even from our own expectations for a time. If you're at your wit's end, give yourself grace to take care of yourself.
Growth
When grief is raw, it’s normal to spend much of your energy in the grieving process. But there comes a time when we begin the daily slow motion adjustment to this new life, and then come the days that we’ve adjusted to our new normal. Never forgetting, always loving, just adjusting.
I found that as I’ve emerged from the cloud of grief of each loss, there is an opportunity for spiritual growth.
My most tremendous loss was that of my mom. For the longest time, I couldn't even go to sleep at night without reliving losing her all over again. A cloud of depression hung over me day and night.
Until one day...
I was reflecting upon motherhood, and felt pretty sorry about my own. There was a moment when something spoke to me from within, for I had a wellspring of comfort envelop me. As though she were saying, “My beloved daughter, life is too short to not live it.”
It was then I started to reflect on the life I want for my children. Like most moms, I knew in my head and heart that I want them to be joyous in life, but I had to take a serious look at how our day-to-day life was fostering that.
Or not.
Upon reflecting, I realized I was not fostering that sense of joy and well-being. I needed to find my way out of the cloud. I needed Jesus. I needed it to be still and listen to His whispers. I needed to crack open my wounded heart and allow Him to begin the healing.
I needed to stop hiding my woundedness behind a facade of busyness, smiles, and words like the default we often use, "I'm fine."
Because I wasn't.
But in admitting those words both to myself and to the world around me, healing began.
God worked through the safe people He had planted in my life. People who would listen, love, and encourage. In their hearts He had planted the seeds of love and healing, and those seeds can spread like wildfire.
If we let go of those walls we've built and let them in.
The seeds of love heal, but they don't stop there. They keep spreading. They grow us into the body of Christ we are meant to be, the people who love God and love others. The people who are His instruments of healing in a hurting world.
There was a point I knew my mom and I had the same heart. We want our children to truly live into this one precious life we are given.
And He wants the same for us.
Gratitude*
I recently called my aunt after my uncle’s passing. She is, of course, grieving, but she’s also in a place of gratitude for the beautiful life they created and lived together. The life they loved.
When I lost my mom, I lost myself for a time. That cloud hung heavily over me. But when I began to step into a perspective of seeing my life through the eyes of a mother wanting the best for her children, I found deep gratitude for things I hadn’t really thought much about before. Small things Mom did all the time, for me and so many others, that I realized had a much deeper meaning.
Things that spurred me to want to be more like my mom, truly living and loving this one precious life we are given.
Gratitude and love are two of the most healing practices I’ve encountered. Will you join me in the healing?
Who can you reach out to today to let them know you're struggling with a loss in your life? Perhaps it's a trusted friend, a counselor, or a pastor.
We at Women2Women are also here for you.
You are never alone and there is always hope. Please, don't wait another moment. Reach out to someone today.
*I want to thank our Long's Chapel family for helping me through my grief of this year and of years past. I also want to thank the women who have blessed me beyond measure since the passing of my mom, by being dear friends, and many motherly figures. Long’s Chapel embodies the love of Jesus, if we will but open our hearts to receive.
-Laura Greer, Women2Women Ministry at Long’s Chapel
Women2Women is a ministry that encourages women to cultivate an intimate relationship with Christ, while also exploring how God has uniquely created, gifted, and called each of us. We connect with women where they are in life’s journey, providing opportunities for spiritual growth, health and wellness, intergenerational fellowship, friendship, and mentoring. Events and retreats are targeted to the needs of women so we can grow deeper in our faith, develop our gifts and abilities, and establish long lasting friendships. For more information contact Laura Greer at (828) 456-3993, ext. 204 or Laura.Greer@LongsChapel.com, or Vickie Staib at (828) 646-8819.
